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My name is
Stephanie and I am the daughter of a celebrity couple in Hollywood. We live in
a mansion overlooking Los Angeles. My parents, who are active in the film
industry, often entertain through parties at home. My older sister, Felicity,
who is twenty-five, has always been a movie star. I’m thirteen and go to junior
high school. When I had just started junior high school Felicity thought that I
should get a girlfriend. I was apparently still too short for a boy, she said.
The point was that the family was, according to her, overly normal and it was
getting embarrassing. I had nothing better to do and it is best to do as she
says. Then she gets pleased. On the Internet I found out when I was about to go
out with a lesbian girl who was my age and in the neighborhood. She even went
to my school. We didn’t say who we were, but arranged a blind date right away.
Felicity drove me there, but she seemed to be more skeptical than satisfied,
despite the fact that it was her idea.
Outside she put her hands in front of my eyes from behind, as one does when the other one shall guess who it is. She had small hands so I thought maybe it was one of the Asians, that would have been fun. But it wasn’t. It was one of my classmates, Sidney. One of those who definitely is not a lesbian. What was she doing here? Why had she been looking for a lesbian girl online? But what do I know, so I presumed that we were on a serious date. We ate at a restaurant with white tablecloths. Felicity wasn’t going to drive me if we would cheat by going to the movies.
"We will have a great relationship," Said Sidney suddenly during the dinner, although I didn’t have any special features then, as I do now, asymmetric bangs and highlights in the hair.
Since then I have been an outsider at school and the lesbian girl. Sidney had told everyone, and showed pictures from our date. I’m not even lesbian or whatever that is. Some in the class are mean every week. The one I dated is the worst, Sidney. Not a day goes by without her saying or doing something. Nothing that serious, it’s more that I somehow, over time, become depressed. Only in school though, and it is very much a role that I get to play. If I appear more and more broken then they are keeping it quite civil.
Felicity was feeling guilty because she thought it was her fault. She says that at my age it is probable the bullies are not evil, they just don’t know what they do. She has said that over and over. whatever, it never ends.
What I intended to write about wasn’t the bullying, but the turning point. I began dating a boy with golden curls, Jayden. He appeared for the first time outside my house. We are the same age. But once, he drove a sports car alone with me and we were out all night with it. He was nervous all the time. He says the most pretty things to me, and knows precisely what I need to hear after all the bullying. I thought that as soon as he would regard me as his girlfriend, I could bring him to school. Show them all.
I paste text from my sort of diary on my computer. Some of it takes place at and close by my parents lake house.
"We drank alcohol early this summer, initially while we were floating at a dock in a lake with secure life jackets. When the blood alcohol level gave a powerful effect we floated toward shallow water where we originated and continued then floating on our backs. The first thing that happened was that Jayden lost most of his sight temporarily. Only the most powerful lights appeared to him. Later that evening was his hearing and sight down at the same time but the sight didn’t go down as much the second time. We did so that day and the day after Jayden’s eyes, the white area, filled with thick blood.
In bad light it looked like his eyes were all black. Two of the law enforcement attended the last half hour while we walked the last fifty yards back to the house. Jayden tried to move his head sideways to read the labels on the police car without success, but he knew it was a familiar context. The forces left the site as soon as we had entered the house and locked the door. Actually, they streamed a searchlight into the house so they must have stayed there for that.
There was a connection between me and Jayden. When we drank alcohol Jayden had a white T-shirt over a long sleeved T-shirt with a red logo printed upon. When the white T-shirt was soaked the logo could be seen through and he opened up his life jacket to show me. One day at his school last fall semester, we both had only black garments, with the exception of that red logo on my sweater. I opened up my vest, which also is a jacket, to show Jayden. One afternoon last spring we walked together home from my school. And we had the same shorts with that red logo and stumbled into each other over a thick cord that lay across the street."
Once when we were outside of Jayden’s school, there were a few other students rushing down a hill beside the road where we stood. The dry sand rustled. Then Jayden pulled off a wig with all the curls on. Beneath, his hairstyle was reminiscent of Sidney’s. She had cut her hair short the same day Jayden showed up. Then he tore off pieces that he had attached to the sides of the nose, covered in make-up. The nose was actually thin but had appeared wider with the pieces in place.
-Hi sweetie! Said Sidney, as she talks in school, with her standard voice. I was a little traumatized so didn’t register a lot of visual input. So I don’t know if her sister, who is a Makeup Artist, had done more things to establish Jayden.
-Told you we would be a great couple. We may have a secret relationship and I’ll be nice when I bully you. But you must not tell the others that I am dating a dork or like girls. FYI, Jayden is one of my middle names,
she said and really sounded sympathetic.
-No. If you want to continue, then you have to tell everyone about us. That we have been together most of junior high. And you must go to prom with me. There is anyways two more girls than boys. And hold hands in school, I said, and knew that she wouldn’t agree but she did.
So we went to prom and everything. Everyone at school accepted us and we were the cool couple of our school. Seated in the back in the classroom. The rest of the bullies are now my friends. My family, even Felicity, was nice to Sidney. Even though they now knew who Jayden was and that Sidney was the worst bully.
Outside she put her hands in front of my eyes from behind, as one does when the other one shall guess who it is. She had small hands so I thought maybe it was one of the Asians, that would have been fun. But it wasn’t. It was one of my classmates, Sidney. One of those who definitely is not a lesbian. What was she doing here? Why had she been looking for a lesbian girl online? But what do I know, so I presumed that we were on a serious date. We ate at a restaurant with white tablecloths. Felicity wasn’t going to drive me if we would cheat by going to the movies.
"We will have a great relationship," Said Sidney suddenly during the dinner, although I didn’t have any special features then, as I do now, asymmetric bangs and highlights in the hair.
Since then I have been an outsider at school and the lesbian girl. Sidney had told everyone, and showed pictures from our date. I’m not even lesbian or whatever that is. Some in the class are mean every week. The one I dated is the worst, Sidney. Not a day goes by without her saying or doing something. Nothing that serious, it’s more that I somehow, over time, become depressed. Only in school though, and it is very much a role that I get to play. If I appear more and more broken then they are keeping it quite civil.
Felicity was feeling guilty because she thought it was her fault. She says that at my age it is probable the bullies are not evil, they just don’t know what they do. She has said that over and over. whatever, it never ends.
What I intended to write about wasn’t the bullying, but the turning point. I began dating a boy with golden curls, Jayden. He appeared for the first time outside my house. We are the same age. But once, he drove a sports car alone with me and we were out all night with it. He was nervous all the time. He says the most pretty things to me, and knows precisely what I need to hear after all the bullying. I thought that as soon as he would regard me as his girlfriend, I could bring him to school. Show them all.
I paste text from my sort of diary on my computer. Some of it takes place at and close by my parents lake house.
"We drank alcohol early this summer, initially while we were floating at a dock in a lake with secure life jackets. When the blood alcohol level gave a powerful effect we floated toward shallow water where we originated and continued then floating on our backs. The first thing that happened was that Jayden lost most of his sight temporarily. Only the most powerful lights appeared to him. Later that evening was his hearing and sight down at the same time but the sight didn’t go down as much the second time. We did so that day and the day after Jayden’s eyes, the white area, filled with thick blood.
In bad light it looked like his eyes were all black. Two of the law enforcement attended the last half hour while we walked the last fifty yards back to the house. Jayden tried to move his head sideways to read the labels on the police car without success, but he knew it was a familiar context. The forces left the site as soon as we had entered the house and locked the door. Actually, they streamed a searchlight into the house so they must have stayed there for that.
There was a connection between me and Jayden. When we drank alcohol Jayden had a white T-shirt over a long sleeved T-shirt with a red logo printed upon. When the white T-shirt was soaked the logo could be seen through and he opened up his life jacket to show me. One day at his school last fall semester, we both had only black garments, with the exception of that red logo on my sweater. I opened up my vest, which also is a jacket, to show Jayden. One afternoon last spring we walked together home from my school. And we had the same shorts with that red logo and stumbled into each other over a thick cord that lay across the street."
Once when we were outside of Jayden’s school, there were a few other students rushing down a hill beside the road where we stood. The dry sand rustled. Then Jayden pulled off a wig with all the curls on. Beneath, his hairstyle was reminiscent of Sidney’s. She had cut her hair short the same day Jayden showed up. Then he tore off pieces that he had attached to the sides of the nose, covered in make-up. The nose was actually thin but had appeared wider with the pieces in place.
-Hi sweetie! Said Sidney, as she talks in school, with her standard voice. I was a little traumatized so didn’t register a lot of visual input. So I don’t know if her sister, who is a Makeup Artist, had done more things to establish Jayden.
-Told you we would be a great couple. We may have a secret relationship and I’ll be nice when I bully you. But you must not tell the others that I am dating a dork or like girls. FYI, Jayden is one of my middle names,
she said and really sounded sympathetic.
-No. If you want to continue, then you have to tell everyone about us. That we have been together most of junior high. And you must go to prom with me. There is anyways two more girls than boys. And hold hands in school, I said, and knew that she wouldn’t agree but she did.
So we went to prom and everything. Everyone at school accepted us and we were the cool couple of our school. Seated in the back in the classroom. The rest of the bullies are now my friends. My family, even Felicity, was nice to Sidney. Even though they now knew who Jayden was and that Sidney was the worst bully.
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